Where I Was Left

It was the last final before Christmas. That semester was one of those that I really didn't think I'd make it through. In three months, I'd been through a brief mysterious illness brought on by the terror of committing myself to a country called India. I had changed my mind and experienced every degree of soul-rocking doubt. When I sat down to take my last test, I believe I was signed up to go to India, but for the number of times I changed my mind, it could have easily been the other way around. Either way, I felt dark as the lead I began putting down one bubble at a time. Three hours later, I hit the last bubble, answered the question, and read these words from a gracious humanities teacher who loved art for everything it says:

"I leave you now in the best place I can: Auguste Rodin, the Hand of God."

Taking this birthday of Rodin's, I would like to also place you in that merciful state of contemplating this sculpture: the Hand of God.




Photo: kaitlin.marie

Truth is beauty

When I first moved into my apartment, I noticed this quote on the mirror: "Beauty is not in the face. Beauty is a light in the heart." And after I read it for the first time, I thought, that's a stupid quote. It says nice sentimental things, but it gives me little reason to believe, no way to conform to the statement, and no motivation to think it's true.

A year later, I still haven't taken down the quote though, flat sounding as it is. Read more...

Getting old tomorrow?

Have you seen Howl's Moving Castle? If not you should, or at least read my post on the BYU Women's Services blog about it.

Here's the link: http://byuwsr.blogspot.com/2012/05/getting-old-tomorrow.html

The Shabby Apple Story: Choosing Fear or Faith

You can see her great clothing line here: http://www.shabbyapple.com/

An unexpectedly divine dining establishment in Provo

When the server brings out your "Goat Burger" at the Black Sheep Cafe in Provo, Utah, your first concern maybe: how can I get this massive burger—filled with goat cheese, mushrooms, and goodness and wrapped in Navajo fry bread—into my mouth while still looking attractive? My answer: 1) take small bites so you can better savor the different flavors coming at you, and 2) don't worry about it. Anyone who knows how the burger tastes will find the thought of your recently goat-burger-graced lips very, very attractive.

This new cafe serves up a delightful host of Navajo influenced items. From the Navajo tacos to the burgers, this menu provides a new take on something which was already great to begin with.

I'll confess that from its name I expected the place to be a coffee spot trying to attract the 1% of Provo. (I don't mind coffee places. I just don't like when they try to be "oh so different.") This is not that place. It's a great restaurant, and I highly recommend it. You can expect to pay about 8-12 dollars for each main dish. Totally reasonable? Why yes, goat burger. You are worth every cent.

Pardon the fact that my burger is falling open in the pictures. I was a little too over eager to give it some camera love before I dove into it.

This pretty lady who payed for my burger is my mom.

A nice little piece of film and music

I'm kind of digging this video and this song. Warning: there are whales. Get excited.

Also, according to YouTube, "This video was created with over 12,000 pieces of construction paper, shown as it was shot, with no effects added in post."

Remembering: Part one

The other night, I was cold, so Super, my boyfriend, gave me his sweater to wear. It's big on him, so it was enormous on me. If I had had the right belt, I could have pulled it off and still looked trendy. Without a belt though, I just looked cozy in a wash of grey knit that hides every curve of my body.

I am not uneducated in the debates over gender that are raging throughout the world. I understand that there are a lot of questions and none of them quite have easy answers. Is there such a thing as gender? Are we simply socialized to behave in these ways?

When it comes to answering these questions in direct words, I believe that "gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose." I have always been female, and I will always be female. Here's the source for that quote, and let me say that I believe every word in this document on the family.

 When people want an answer about gender, I turn to that document and that quote. But today, I'd like to write about the part I don't usually bring up in debates.

I feel like a woman in this sublime way that I cannot describe. Standing in front of the mirror the other day, I knew that there is something deep within me—beyond physical attributes, beyond what toys I played with as a kid, beyond what colors I like to wear—that is truly feminine. It transcends the mortal explanations and categories that so many scholars and interest groups throw at it. I just am beautiful and divine. Nothing outside of me can diminish my worth or my purpose. I am made to do all things: work, raise children, get an education, serve others. And I do all of these in a way no one but me can do, a way that is rooted in my identify as a woman.

It frustrates me that this isn't a valid argument in the voting polls or the scholarly discourse. It frustrates me even more that I cannot put it into words even for myself sometimes.

My hope is that other women will be more in tune to those moments where something in their spirit communicates that they are women. Often times there are a lot of things in the way, like our own ideas of beauty. I think that is in itself a sign that we are missing part of the picture.

I don't think it's just standing in front of a mirror. It's a moment that happens when we're least expecting it. This kind of knowledge happens though when you start thinking beyond what you see to what you feel. Keep thinking until nothing you come up with has anything to do with the world's view of these things. Think until it's only something you understand. I think then you'll understand what I mean.