Meeting my needs

This is not the essay I'm supposed to be writing, but I'm going to write this one first.

Today has been an up and down day. By seven in the evening though, I no longer had the emotional strength to do more than cry. This made me mad, so much so that I kept asking Heavenly Father for comfort and was frustrated when I felt like the Spirit didn't send that as I pleaded for it.

I think often on this quote: "God cares for us and watches over us, but it is often through another person that He meets our needs." (I'm sorry I can't find the citation for that right now.)

This is so true in my life that sometimes I don't even recognize it. But tonight, after my slightly demanding prayers, I recognized the several forms of comfort that came. There were two emails in my inbox from friends offering support, love, and assistance.

Tonight, I was supposed to do a class assignment but didn't have the book I needed. After seeing my facebook post about it, a friend I haven't talked to in nearly a year called to offer me his copy. He was willing to drive fifteen minutes just to get it to me. (My favorite part of this story is that he forget he'd already lent his car to someone. That's charity.) Another friend also offered to bring me her copy.

I am blown away by what these people offer me—mercy and love—and by what they teach me. Sometimes I mistakenly think that while God is merciful the world is harsh. It's true that the world can be harsh. But it's more true that God created the world and all the people in it. God is not only merciful when we are on our knees asking for forgiveness and help. His support and grace and love go way beyond those moments. His miracles don't cease at our amens. His Spirit and tender mercies range throughout the world, snatching us up, catching us off guard, and turning our hearts home.

Chomping at the past

Today, I am wearing the most awesome shirt from my entire wardrobe. I use the word awesome very intentionally. There are shirts that I like better than this one in terms of fit, style, and comfort, but truly, no other shirt could exude awesomeness as this one does. 

Why? Well, because there are dinosaurs on it.

Yes, folks. It's covered in little doodles of dinosaurs, clouds, unidentified femur bones, and those little stars we draw without picking our pens up off of the paper. It's also yellow, which I like.

Sometimes I wear it just because of the reactions I get. People—friends and strangers—tend to appreciate a little bit of dinosaur in their day. One time, my coworker said, "I like your shirt." Then, she whipped back around from her computer and exclaimed, "There are dinosaurs on it! I love your shirt!" I was surprised to hear someone say that they liked it for any other reason beyond the dinosaurs. Really, what else is there to love about it? 

Sadly, it's been a while since the dinosaur shirt has seen the light outside of my closet.

Maybe it's just a girl thing, but for many of us, there are moments of life that we cannot stop associating with particular clothing. This can be a beautiful thing. For example, I love knowing that on an April day that felt like the first day of my life—in the sense that Bright Eyes sings about it—I was wearing my Irish ferry sweater, my Pocahontas shoes, and the only floral print shirt I own.

When I think about the dinosaur shirt, it's still connected to this one day when the world turned upside down on me and left me looking at my feet, when words I didn't really understand entered into my vocab, when every muscle in my body went stiff and refused to bend.

When I sit anxiously in class, I'm pretty sure the dinosaur doodles are feeling just as restless as I am. I feel as if every time I look down, one of them sounds the warning call of "Freeze!" And they would all stand still again, pretending to have gotten away with their changes.

This makes me love them and the shirt again. Besides, everything seems to be changing. I believe that God rewrites things for us. It is so necessary to seek constant revelation and to be acting on what He tells us to do now. For me, this includes God giving me new perspectives on and new feelings about what has already happened.

The days in my dinosaur shirt appear bright to me, like the yellow stars scribbled on my shirt. They mean new things: love, forgiveness, trust, faith, and a perfect brightness of hope.

And I'm pretty sure I caught Mr. T-Rex nibbling on a cloud while the triceratops and the stegosaurus played ring-around-the-rosy and all fell down.

Good gifts

Sunday night, I got sick from not eating. My roommate lovingly made me mashed potatoes, which I promptly threw up.

However unavoidable, this was very impolite.

Why trouble you with the former contents of my stomach, though? Well, because it reminds me of a larger story about a similar, but less grotesque, story.

When I was working as a mentor to freshman students, I took one of my students to an exhibit in the campus art museum. The exhibit, titled "Types and Shadows: Imitations of Divinity," showcased images that spoke of Christ and the Atonement using symbols and visual parables.

Being the upperclassman that I was, I felt comfortable admitting to my freshman companion that I just didn't get this one painting. This painting, "Cat Gift," shows a man trying to offer a bit of something to a cat which has turned its back.

My student understood it immediately though. "It's like the Savior, who tries to offer us such great gifts," she told me, "but we are like cats who stubbornly refuse."

I don't know how I missed the meaning before. Maybe because I am cat-like—stubborn, headstrong, and a little unaware. My sense of smell is a bit off these days, unable to draw unto the feast the Savior often places at my feet. I think often of this scripture I know to be true.

 Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone?

 Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent?

If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?

Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets.

—Matthew 7:9-12

God gives us good gifts; we must take them.

You can see two versions of the "Cat Gift" painting by Brain Kershisnik here and here.