Tuesday, March 13, 2012

A reconnective pratice

Yoga: not everyone's favorite Saturday night activity. But I was feeling caught between having had an early morning and the loss of an hour with daylight saving's time. Wanting to go to bed early, but worried my body wasn't going to fall asleep that early, I returned to yoga, something I've loved long since and lost a while.

It's hard to find good yoga videos. It seems most instructors want to stop and teach me how to do something, as if video gives them permission to pause the flow of the universe and my breathing so they can instant reply with a close-up on the angle of the hips. Real yoga classes are much more fluid. But finally, I found a site that begins a session and just goes.

If you're looking at the video below you'll notice that yes, this is prenatal yoga. I'm not pregnant of course, but I'll confess that I choose this video anyways because few things are more comforting to me than the feel of my hand on my stomach. I snickered and laughed—breaking my own flow—the first time the instructor told me to bring my hands to "baby." But I did it anyways.

It's been so long since I've done any yoga that even the most basic of movements pulled and strained my muscles and my joints. The twists—once pleasurable—felt awkward and slow. My balance—once the pride of my yoga loving heart—was off. I could stand on my right foot, but not on my left. Every time it tipped, my body said, "Hey, I'm not used to this."

The instructor kept telling me things that are a little bit funny: reach to sky, say hello to baby, you are beautiful. Those phrases feel off somehow, and I think about how the thought of having another person in my body also feels so other worldly and beyond my mortal comprehension—still wonderful—but also sort of strange and terrifying. As we move into a seated position, the instructor says, "Be sure you have a space for your baby."

I made a space anyways, followed the flow though, let my arms reach, lifted my hands to my heart, and I told my body back, "Hey, get used to it. Someday we'll need this space." 

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